Bombardment of Fredricksburg

1.  Now Abraham counselled with Himself as to George, who is called Little Mac, who had long ruled over the army of the Potomac.

2.  And Abraham saith, lo, this many mouths hath my servant George ruled the army of the Potomac, and hath not prevailed over the enemies of the people,

3.  Therefore will I remove him out of his place, and Burnside shall rule in his stead.

4.  Now all this was done even as the heart of Abraham desired, and Burnside became ruler in the stead of George.

5.  Furthermore, Burnside re-organized the army, and established many new rules therein, and put all things in readiness that he might go against the enemy.

6.  An Abraham commanded that the soldiers should observe and keep the Sabbath day, for Abraham was a holy man, and desired the Scriptures to be fulfilled.

7.  After all things were in readiness, Burnside led forth his hosts unto he banks of the river Rappahannock, which floweth nigh unto the city of Fredericksburg.

8.  And he caused two bridges to be made over the river and crossed over, both he and those that were with him, and he set the battle in array against the city.

9.  For the Rebels had gathered themselves together at Fredericksburg, and built walls about them, and had digged trenches that the Federals might not pass over.

10.  But Burnside had mighty engines of war, even great guns of iron and of brass.

11.  Which sent forth balls of iron, and shell, and destructive missiles to spoil the works of the Rebels.

12.  And the battle was furious, and many were killed on both sides, and many were sore wounded, and some fled, but Burnside could not destroy the city nor cause the Rebels to fly.

13.  So after three days had passed, and the evening of the fourteenth of the twelfth month had come, the army of the Potomac withdrew, and crossed again over the river Rappahannock, and returned even by the way they had come.

14.  Now when Abraham heard how valiantly the soldiers had fought, and how they had obeyed their Chief in all things, he wrote a letter unto the soldiers.

15.  Thanking them for their great labor, and mourning with them in their failure, and saying many words of encouragement.

16.  But the people murmured because Burnside had not put every soul of the Rebels to the edge of the sword.


Sherman's Attack on Vicksburg

1.  After these things, William, whose surname is Sherman, went forth against Vicksburg.

2.  With one hundred transports on which were troops, and arms, and horses and munitions of  war.

3.  Now this mighty fleet went out from Memphis, with music and rejoicing, with the beating of drums and the streaming of banners.

4.  And sailed down the Father of Waters, even  the river Mississippi, unto the river Yazoo which floweth though the land of Mississippi, and near unto Vicksburg.

5.  And on a certain day they landed and went up against the Rebels, who were encamped about the city.

6.  But behold when a week had well nigh passed, and they had not been able to reach the city, because of its strong defences and because of the valor of its defenders.

7.  William called together his followers, and commanded that they should enter into the boars and depart from the valley of the Yazoo.

8.  So they entered into the boats as William had commanded, and withdrew themselves fro attacking the Rebels.

9.  And newspaper reporters derided William in their letters, saying, behold he hath attempted much and accomplished nothing.

10.  Verily, hath this expedition proven a fizzle, and the transports of William have basely skedaddled.

11.  Now the news correspondents were wise men and prophets, and spake many things for the edification of all men.

12.  Howbeit many of them wrote much of themselves and magnified, their own names exceedingly, so that the heaven of heavens could not contain them.


Stone River.

1.  Now great was the rejoicing of the people when Rosecrans went out against the bands of the Rebels in the land of Tennessee.

2.  For his heart fainted not, neither did he fear when he came nigh unto the battle, nor did he tremble in the presence of his enemies.

3.  But he was gallant and brave, and led his armies forth to the battle with shouts and with gladness.

4.  Seven days was heard the clangor of battle on the Stone River, round about the town of Murfreesboro.

5.  An the arms of the Union triumphed gloriously, for the Lord of Hosts was with them, and His glory perched upon their banners.

6.  And the minions of Davis were dismayed, and fled from the swords of the loyal, for brave where the captains that led forth the hosts of the Union.

7.  And great was the skill and the valor of Rosey and strong were the arms of the soldiers.

8.  An they smote the Rebels with the edge of the sword, ad took many captive.

9.  Howbeit many were slain of the tribes of the North West, and the voice of lamentation was heard for the brave who had fallen.

10.  "How are the mighty fallen in the midst of the battle.  How are the mighty fallen, and the weapons of war perished."

11.  Woe, woe unto the land of slavery, even unto the land of Traitors, because of the mourning that falleth upon the people.

12.  Woe, woe unto those who have drawn the sword against the bosom of Freedom, for the day of their destruction cometh.

13.  For the wrath of the Lord is kindled against them, and in His fierce anger they shall be con-consumed.

14.  Famine and pestilence shall compass their cities, and the hand of violence shall crush their strong places.


Parson Brownlow.

1.  Now it has been written in these "Chronicles," that Southern preachers went after Secession, and no longer loved the Government of their fathers.

2.  But there was one who would not have Jeff.  Davis to rule over him, and his name was William and his surname was Brownlow.

3.  Now, William was a mighty man in word and in deed--he had flocks, and herds, and cattle and man-servants and maid-servants; and, moreover, he was editor of a newspaper called the "Knoxville Whig."

4.  And William was a prophet among the Methodists, and he prophecied in the regions of the Holstein, and French Broad, and other parts of the province of East Tennessee.

5.  And when Tennessee seceded, William lifted up his voice against the measure, and would not acknowledge the South as a rightful power.

6.  Then were the people vexed with William, and they sent men to reason with him, to convince him, and to bring him over to Southern loyalty.

7.  But William was angry, and would not hear them, but remained firm for the Union.

8.  And he published many things in his paper against Jefferson and other leaders of the Rebellion; for William was brave, and feared not what man could do unto him.

9.  And it came to pass when Jefferson heard of the sayings and doings of William, his wrath was kindled against him;

10.  And he commanded the soldiers to take him and to cast him into prison, and he was put into the Knoxville jail.

11.  And they fed William on bread and water, and threatened to put him to death, but William feared them not.

12.  And they spoiled his house, and carried away his goods, and confiscated his lands.

13.  But William was a man of mighty influence in the South; for many thousands knew him;

14.  And they heard him prophecy, and he had nursed their children, and had slept on their beds and broken bread at their tables:

15.  And they had sung songs together at the same camp-meetings, and smoked from the same cob-pipes; and the souls of many clave unto William.

16.  Now Jefferson feared that if he put William to death, the people would revolt, and cry out against him.

17.  Therefore he commanded that William should b taken from jail in Knoxville, and conveyed Northward, even into the dominions of Abraham.

18.  Then the soldiers took William from Knoxville, and they led him to Nashville, and he entered the Federal lines.

19.  And the Federals heard that he was coming, and they went forth to meet him; and they put him in a chariot, and brought him into the city.

20.  An they gave him some water to wash his feet, and they anointed his head with oil, and put meat before him, and a flagon of wine!

21.  And when William saw these things, he bowed himself to the earth, and worshipped, saying,

22.  Blessed be the Lord God of our fathers, who did raise up Washington and sustain hi in the midst of the Revolutionary war;

23.  And who did permit our father to build up this glorious Union, and make it the wonder of all nations!

24.  And Thou, O Lord, hast preserved me amid many dangers, and led me from the hands of the rebels.

25.  Preserve, O Lord, the Union; let not the vile rebels prevail against it; but keep it to the end of all time, as an asylum for the oppressed of all nations!

26.  But curse Thou, Jeff. Davis, Bill Yancey, Kirby Smith, and every rebel, and hasten thou to break the back-bone of the Rebellion!  Amen!


Parson Browlow.---(continued.)

1.  And when William had made an end of worshipping, he raised himself up, and sat at the table and did eat.

2.  And after many days, William got upon a steamboat, and descended the Cumberland river, and went to Cncinnati.

3.  Now Cincinnati is a mighty city, and it is called the "Queen City," for it hath a mighty trade in pork, hogs' lard, sausages, and spiced pigs' feet.

4.  And when the people of Cincinnati heard of William's approach, they rejoiced greatly;

5.  And they slew an ox, and seven turkeys, and a ewe-lamb,

6.  And they made a great feast and bade William welcome!

7.  And many thousands came to see William, and they brought gifts of silver and gold, and wine, and lambs' wool, and fine linen!

8.  And William stood up before the and made a great oration.

9.  And William told the how he loved the Union and opposed Secession,--and how he had suffered for opinion's sake, and why he was now come unto them.

10.  And he spake for the space of one hour, and the Buckeyes hearkened to him, and treasured up all his sayings in their hearts!

11.  And when he had made an end of speaking, they smote upon the palms of their hands, and jobbed with the end of their canes, and stamped with the heels of their boots;

12.  And for the space of one hour and three quarters, they ceased not to cry out, "great have been the persecutions of William!"

13.  And William abode with them many days.

14.  Now, the land of the Hoosiers lieth to the West of that city, and it hath a great city named Indianapolis.

15.  And William arose and went into Indianapolis, and the people flocked to hear him, for they had heard of his fame.

16.  And he made a speech unto them, said they were greatly amused.

17.  And William went to many other cities, and made orations and ate dinners, and drank toasts, and offered up prayers.

18.  And William's fame went into all the land.

19.  And William wrote a book, and published it, and there were many pictures in it, and divers things to interest the people.

20.  And William still loved the Union, and he sent to Knoxville, and brought away his wife and little ones.

21.  And they crossed the river safe into Kentucky, and made their home in Covington, where thy live unto this day.


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